Table Manners

The Thanksgiving table can be a place of joy, connection, laughter, and pleasure as well as anxiety, fear, loneliness, and pain. We all bring different experiences to the table. Family and food evoke different feelings for us all. Sometimes being surrounded by family and food can be hard, conflictual, and strained. 

While all your emotional experiences are valid and welcome, do you know what there is NO ROOM FOR AT THE TABLE?!  DIET TALK. The equivalent to the infamous fruitcake or jello mold. NOBODY WANTS IT. Diet talk can be particularly prominent during the holiday season. People often feel inclined to discuss food, weight, and exercise routines due to holidays involving more social gatherings centered around food. This has become a harmful social norm. It sends implicit messaging that enjoying food requires guilt and shame. I can’t think of anything more inconsistent with enjoying food! 

If anyone brings diet talk to the table as their side dish, consider the following strategies:

·      Redirect the conversation by changing the subject (ex: hey aunt sally, tell us more about your trip to Spain”)

·      Excuse yourself from the table to remove yourself from the triggering dialogue 

·      If you’re willing to be more direct, request for the subject to be changed “hey, can we talk about something else? I really don’t enjoy talking about this.”

·       Enlist a support person either at the table or externally. If the person is there, you can engage them in private conversation or have their assistance in redirecting the convo. If the person isn’t there, consider reaching out to them for support via telephone. 

*Remember, those who make comments about weight, food, exercise are not at fault. They too are products of the diet culture in which we’re all immersed. Respond with compassion. 

Other (tur)key tips:

·      Do not comment on anybody’s appearance, eating behaviors, or plate.

·      Do not comment on your own eating or plate. While “I ate so much!” might seem harmless to you, consider instead saying “that was satisfying!” Reframe eating experiences as pleasurable rather than conveying judgement or shame

·      Do not refer to foods as good or bad. Food is not a moral issue.

·      Do not comment on needing to “hit the gym” following the meal. This implies the need for compensation for eating. This is diet culture and promotes an unhealthy relationship with exercise. 

·      DO Connect with others at the table. Share stories.Make memories.Enjoy the company. Enjoy the food.Nourish your body. Nourish your soul.  

 *If your familial relationships do not provide comfort, safety, and validation, practice your right to set boundaries. Seek the support of friends, pets, or take time for yourself as needed. Your needs matter.